Dear Diary…

[A selection of fictional diary entries surrounding the switch between Halloween-Season and Pre-Christmas-Christmas-Season]



Dear Diary,

Final touches of Halloween costume: assembled. Sweets: purchased. Skeletons: spooky.

Garden entirely cleared of any items that could be used against us this Mischief Night.

Note: Book in dentist appointment for post-Halloween check up. Expected number of trick-or-treaters dwarfs in comparison to amount of sweets bought.

Note: 56 days until Christmas!

Note: Google ‘how to get fake cobwebs out of jumper’.


Dear Diary,

Already eaten a quarter of the sweets bought for trick-or-treaters tonight. MUST BOOK DENTIST APPOINTMENT.

No trouble from anyone out last night, which is a damn relief considering in the past few years I’ve noticed that people seem to have forgotten the definition of ‘mischief’ and the night has escalated from harmless pranks to full blown crime.

Note: Mischief Night is sort of like the Purge except you still get arrested – people are just terrible.

Finally finished putting up the last of the Halloween decorations, at least. Selection of scary films are ready and waiting. I can’t wait to be terrified by trick-or-treaters knocking during the anticipation of a jump scare.

Note: 55 days until Christmas!

Note: Ate two more fun-size bags of Haribo whilst writing this diary entry. BOOK. DENTIST.


Dear Diary,


Still have two unopened bags of Maoams because I only received about 15 trick-or-treaters. Refuse to waste money so will have to eat the rest of the sweets myself.

Note: Sort it into bags of pick ‘n’ mix and force them upon friends so we can all rot our teeth together and I will feel like less of a failure of an adult.

Received three more parcels of Christmas presents today and am now £60 down but 40% finished, which I find very impressive (thank you, Wowcher). Have broken out the Christmas playlist but cannot yet find the energy to take down the Halloween decorations.

Note: Don’t have much storage space, but cannot continue to throw out £15 worth of Poundland decorations every year if I’m attempting to be thrifty so must find space.

Note: Remove all batteries before storage. Have pooped my pants three times already by accidentally triggering motion-sensor skeleton.

Note: Correction – one unopened bag of Maoams.


Dear Diary,

Have heard seven (7) people complaining that shops are already putting up Christmas decorations because ‘it hasn’t even been bonfire night yet’. Very true – cannot believe shops aren’t setting off fireworks every hour! It’s a disgrace.

Dog is very distressed by the noise of the fireworks being set off, though. Amazingly, his reindeer toy has retained its antlers despite this.

Have made little more progress in gift-buying as L won’t decide if they have a gift in mind or would like to be surprised. Have made notes of potential gifts but this work could be scrapped at any moment.

Note: Begin compiling Christmas card list and double-checking addresses.

Note: Do NOT be a Pam this year. Wait until December to post the cards.

Despite the abundance of Halloween sweets still available in my home, have already purchased mince pies (two (2) have been eaten). Have yet to book dentist appointment.


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